One thing I changed my mind about
Commitment. I used to get chills just from hearing the word. To me, commitment fell into the category of “have to’s” and not “want to’s”. And with “have to’s”, I get slightly rebellious.
Ok, maybe not slightly. Maybe a lot.
Commitment to me meant the opposite of freedom. It meant restriction.
Commitment to one education meant I couldn’t explore other fields of interest.
Commitment to one place meant I couldn’t travel the world.
Commitment to one job meant I wasn’t autonomous.
I had a preconceived notion of restrictions endangering my sense of freedom. The more restrictions I placed on myself by making choices, the less free I felt. So I kept all my options open.
I chose studies that would still leave most options open in my career.
I chose jobs that would help me be a great generalist, not a specialist
(because what if you wake up one day and you don’t like that speciality anymore?)
I chose places to live that I could leave the next month if I wanted to
(because what if I want to just pack up my things and move to the jungle?)
I made all those choices because I thought freedom was the value that drove me. And while freedom is still one of my top values that guide me in life, I now see that most of those choices were not based on that value; they were based on fear.
I was afraid to make the wrong choice.
This fear usually ended up in me not really making any real committed choice. But what happens when you are not wholeheartedly choosing? You allow others or circumstances to choose for you. To me, that’s the ultimate lack of freedom.
By not choosing and committing to something, I handed my power to whatever was happening around me. I was dependent on the influence of other people, the circumstances and on my mood in the moment. This led to getting exactly what I was trying to avoid: a sense of restriction.
Why am I writing this? Because I am sure a lot of the millennial generation can recognize themselves in my story. Millennials value flexibility and freedom. But in striving for these qualities of life, a lot of millenials have forgotten or disregarded a key element in the road to success in life: commitment.
Over the years, my view on commitment changed 180 degrees.
One comment a powerful coach once shared with me contributed hugely to my change of view. He shared: ‘Kunst heeft kaders nodig’, which is roughly translated as ‘Art needs a frame’.
My interpretation of this phrase is that we need to set limitations for ourselves so that we can experience ultimate freedom within those limitations. We can create structure so that we allow ourselves the pleasure of experiencing flow within that structure. We choose so that we can feel free. We commit so that we can flow.
Ok, but how do I commit?
You commit by setting a structure and taking action. Repetitive action has the potential to grow into something big, a.k.a. concrete action steps on repeat. By setting ourselves up for success by commitment, we stop being dependent on ‘feeling like it’ or ‘having inspiration’.
So:
Commit to that writing project you have been wanting to start for years by writing every day for 20 minutes (Even if whatever you write is cr*p. Keep writing. You need to clear the pipes before clear spring water comes out)
Commit to the place you live in by joining local ‘clubs’ so that you can enjoy a true sense of community.
Commit to growing your business by focussing on posting new content ánd speaking to 5 new people about your business every week
Commit to leading your team with empathy by showing up vulnerably and courageously every day and embedding this in your team meetings.
Commit to expressing yourself at work by raising at least one point in every meeting
Commit to your meditation practice by sitting for at least 5 minutes right after your alarm rings in the morning
Commitment is a crucial element in the road to success.
Commitment requires you to making a conscious choice. Whatever you are choosing means other options are not available to you at the same time. You can’t meditate first thing in the morning if you want to write first thing in the morning. You can’t build a sense of community in the place you live in if you are anticipating to leave every month.
It reminds me of what Oprah so intelligently said:
“You CAN have it all. Just not all at once.”
Getting what you want means you have to choose. Of course, choosing and committing may trigger a fear of making a wrong choice. It may lead you to quitting too soon, and not enjoying the fruits of all your labor. Be patient. Prioritize. Focus on what you want, now. Plan for what you want later.
And what if your choice was a “wrong” choice after all?
That’s the beauty of life. It’s a string of choices made, one after the other. There are no wrong ones.
So, choose again.
Commit.
Be patient.
ps: Writing this blog is part of my commitment to write weekly blogs for at least 100 days. I commit to the action without trying to control the outcome. Some may be great. Others may be so-so. You can help me in my commitment by letting me know what topic you’d like to hear more about as a leader. Send me a DM or an email; I’d love to hear from you!
